


It Has Many Faces

by nanailliterate



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: Cute, Gen, Love, M/M, Multi, different forms of love, idk a character study if you will, its a drabble/blurb that I wrote thinking about John's relationships, just a small thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:54:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29523237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanailliterate/pseuds/nanailliterate
Summary: Small drabble/ficlet/blurb about John and the various relationships he's had in his early, younger years.
Relationships: John Lennon & others, John Lennon/Paul McCartney
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	It Has Many Faces

When Mimi loves you, you feel secure and protected. You feel annoyed, even ungrateful, often but you know that you have a home and it's the most stable thing you've ever had. You find yourself fighting with her about things that you'll feel embarrassed about later, like a child, and then making her a cup of tea an hour later as an apology - and you can't decide if that's rather cowardice or charming of you. Either way, she'll look at you and her eyes will be warm, though she'll tut at you and you think it's just because she can't help it. And that's okay, tomorrow you'll make her laugh even though she didn't want to and you'll consider that your win for the day in this game you're both playing without even knowing it.

When Julia loves you, you feel excited and carefree. You feel like the world is yours because that's what she told you it was, and it's what she wanted to give to you all along. She gives you a family, extensions of people who look like you and laugh like you, and even if it's not perfect, it'll feel close to it because you're not alone. Sometimes it feels like the moments you've felt the most disappointed in your life revolved around her. She visits, she doesn't, she forgets dates, she calls you before bed, she laughs, she's free, she lies, she's patient, she's brave, she's always, always slipping away. But when she's around, she's definitely around. You skip when you walk when you know you'll be seeing her and she'll kiss your cheek and your head and you'll feel small and you won't mind that at all.

When Stu loves you, you'll feel understood and appreciated. You feel like someone out there has your back and it's a strange feeling; these walls you've built are quite strong and quite tall. You'll talk to him about things that others may find boring and it almost makes you two giddy - secrets always do. Some days he'll piss you off and it brings out a side of you that is bred from defensiveness but deep inside of yourself you enjoy it because he's not afraid to call you out on your bullshit. It's something you don't take for granted, because you never know if those around you are just jumping because you carry a challenge to test how high. You'll find a support system with someone who makes you laugh and you know you should tell him that more often but most of the time it doesn't feel like you need to.

When Cynthia loves you, you'll feel safe and adored. You feel like she's trying to fill the holes she knows are there, though you're not sure how that is. She'll blush when you flirt with her and it'll make your stomach erupt. She gives you a confidence that makes living life easier, more enjoyable. You have fun and discover what kind of man you want to be. She'll know when you're in a bad mood and even though you can be a right prick, she'll forgive you anyway. You wonder for hours at night if her kindness and generosity is deserved. You'll want to write letters you wouldn't be caught dead showing anyone else but, still, letters that make you want to call her up to check that she's received them in the morning, just in case. Eventually she'll give you a legacy in a tiny bundle of blankets who will always, always be a representation of the love between you and her, forever.

But even before that, you are still surrounded by people who love you.

And the world will turn over, and you'll learn new things about yourself.

So, when Paul loves you, and you have squinting eyes and dirty clothes and he has chubby cheeks and a name to prove, you know that there's something special there. You have trouble placing him in a category of people around you. It forces you to consider things that terrify you. It'll be bad when you're alone together, but even worse when you're apart and longing (and longing, for what?). It'll feel like you're stumbling your way down a hill, and you've a history of scrapped knees and bruised hands; you run too fast, you don't pick up your feet. It'll feel easy and difficult at the same time, you consider the future and try to think of _just how_ you could maybe forever intertwine the two of yours together. You hope he wants that.

And so, when Paul loves you, he'll take time to say it. He'll be afraid and a bit skittish the months leading up to it and it'll make you feel insecure and unsure about why he's being so off. He'll sweat a little more when you hold hands, and you tell him it's unattractive but hold on tighter when he threatens to unfold them. He'll feel a little clingy when in the private comfort of either of your bedrooms, and double-take when in the public streets. He'll worry too much and you'll be callous in letting him know you couldn't give a damn. He'll talk to his friends a little bit more, which makes you terribly jealous for a second before you come to your senses. Those senses tell you that you love him.

And you _love him_ because he teaches you new things about music and for once you won't mind admitting you need the help. He let's you be yourself, but he chastises you if you're a fool; he does both things and you adore him for it. He slings his arm over you when you've drunk too much, but he's fond of you because he never lets someone else take his spot and carry your heavy load.

And when you love Paul (and etch it into his skin, bite it into lips), it's the first time you've felt so afraid of something you usually chase. Yes, he's afraid, and so are you. You make him angry sometimes and he makes you angry at others. You'll both come crawling back with hands behind your backs and remorse blooming between the space that neither of you occupy, which won't be needed because you've got fireworks at the tips of your fingers and make music that outlives every hair and bone on your body. Most of the time, you think the other can feel them going off, setting sparks in the various universes you belong to, further and deeper as the years go on, beyond the time that either of you exist no longer.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure what prompted this, it's quite different than the other things I've written. I thought it was sweet and low-stakes, so I'll post it to see what y'all think. John and his relationships that he's formed are so interesting to me.


End file.
